Masturbation: A Commentary
“Masturbation is the ongoing love affair that each of us has with ourselves through our lifetime.” - Betty Dodson, in Sex for One.
Since childhood, I’ve explored self-pleasure. As I grew older, what began as something that simply felt good evolved into something I associated with shame and guilt. And as more time passed, it’s something I’ve come (haha) to thoroughly enjoy - though the topic of it largely remains behind closed doors.
Masturbation is still a taboo topic in society. Even as I write this, I feel a twinge of discomfort at the thought of openly discussing it or seeing others embrace it unapologetically. It’s like a small alarm bell ringing, telling me, “That’s a little too radical... isn’t it weird to talk about this?” But over time, I’ve learned to acknowledge that reaction, examine what it means to me, and move forward.
I’ve undergone a similar journey of shedding shame and embracing acceptance when it comes to sharing my own naked body online. I’m not sure how we got here, we just sort of did it. I worked through a lot of discomfort to get to where we are now (see pictures in this blog). Even now, I sometimes feel little pangs of self-doubt, though far less than when I first began. Drawing a parallel to my journey with masturbation, I know it’s about the same process: slowly dismantling the internalized shame society has ingrained in me and embracing my own love affair with myself. But this journey also goes beyond just me.
When I think about masturbation for myself, it feels empowering - something I’ve recently been striving to improve, moving beyond a quick release to truly honouring the self-love my “little death” deserves. But when I see others openly discussing their sexual liberation, it sometimes triggers that alarm bell again… Why? I advocate for masturbation in personal conversations, so why does public discourse on it make me uncomfortable? I think it’s a direct result of the shame our society instills in us about anything related to sex.
Reading Betty Dodson’s work so far has been a great step in my own exploration, and I’ve realized the importance of using my platform to help normalize these conversations. Masturbation deserves more open discussion.
Self-pleasure is not evil. In fact, in my humble opinion, repressing it is far more harmful. So… here’s to embracing self-pleasure, to nurturing this love affair within yourself, and opening up more conversations about it. (More to come soon.)