I’ve made a lot of realizations over the past two months while navigating a flare of my (still undiagnosed) chronic illness.

Being mostly off work has given me unexpected time to reflect, read, and dive into content around healing. And today’s realization hit me hard: I’ve been intellectualizing my stress instead of actually feeling it in my body - until it was too late.

So what does that even mean? Let’s break it down.

I've now been enduring the worst flare of my undiagnosed chronic illness for two months. My body continues to feel like it’s deteriorating. The simplest tasks I once did without a second thought - showering, brushing my teeth, sitting up to work on my computer - now cause me pain.

As I sit here typing this, my body aches. I looked into the mirror today and failed to recognize the person staring back at me. My body is my home… and yet, it feels abandoned. Creaky. Lonely. Falling apart at the seams.